I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
