i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
