My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
