The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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