think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
