Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
