Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
