she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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