the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
