I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I need to stop coming to work sober
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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