i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
