So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
