you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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