while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
