Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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