Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize