If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
