I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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