I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
