i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
