Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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