BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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