Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
