I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Bring me that man meat
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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