your parents love me but you hate me
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
