are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
