I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
