I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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