So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
