The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
time to smoke my breakfast
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
