I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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