I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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