Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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