I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
