My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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