no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
