Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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