If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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