Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
