You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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