so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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