I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
