Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
