I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
