he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
