I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
