your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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