Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
