We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
