with your own penis?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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