woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
