don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
