yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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