I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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