I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
