I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
