You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
