I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You ate ashes out of my bong
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
