Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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