Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
soo... how was my night?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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