my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
