Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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