So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
