Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
