Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
