We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
