Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
