When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
