Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
