no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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