I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
