So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
