everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
