I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
