6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize