i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
