upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
