He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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