just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
