Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
