I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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