Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
