First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
They are going to name an STD after you.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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