Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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