So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
