it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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