I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
