get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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