If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
even my farts smell like vagina
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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