I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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