no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
it's like heaven, but drunker
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
