So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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