the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
