i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
