I have demons in me.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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