I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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