Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
