So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
