last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
