You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
