Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
