I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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